Katy, I don't know if you will ever find this, but if you do…

I am sorry.

You often said an apology that comes with justification is not real. I agree with that. Nothing can ever justify what I did.

You deserved better. Leaving the way I did was selfish, narcissistic, and cowardly. Moreover, I took advantage of your trust and vulnerability throughout our friendship. Repeatedly. I used you and made you feel unsafe in ways no one should have to experience. My actions were absolutely unacceptable and unforgivable. I can never undo the damage I caused and don’t expect or deserve your forgiveness. You were a good friend to me when I didn’t deserve one. You stood by me through everything and I took advantage of that over and over. 

I will never allow myself to hurt anyone the way I hurt you again. I have sought consistent professional help and will continue to do so. I have also spent a lot of time reflecting on my actions. I want to believe I have grown, though I am certain I still have a very long way to go.

I would give anything to talk to you once more, but what I want doesn’t matter. The time to reach out has long passed. You deserve peace and a life free of me if that is what you want. If you ever choose to contact me, I promise I will respond. If you choose not to, I will respect that and leave you to live your life.

Jacob
August 2026